so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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