That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
