I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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