..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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