oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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