fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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