Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Found your dick twin last night
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Boobs are out for the taking
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
