Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
