glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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