I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
