matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
