I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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