Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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