listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize