you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
