You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
