thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
