what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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