why didn't you poke me back
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
