i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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