I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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