Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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