Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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New game: find the sober person in Tbell
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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