ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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