oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
