I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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