ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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