How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
