Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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