The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
