watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
