me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
