he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
