would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
