She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
