too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
