I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
