What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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