Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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