I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
