Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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