I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
