hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
