Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
