I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
