You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
