i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm eating all of the evidence.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
40s are totally the cure
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
