Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
