my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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