You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
