Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
