I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
