He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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