i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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