I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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